Are You Depriving Yourself of Self Love?
Many have a difficult time giving themselves the permission to give to themselves. So many people purposely deprive themselves of self love and caring for their souls. This is not healthy for you and does not have to be the case.
Why do atheists think that premarital sex isn't immoral?
I have nothing against atheism and many times in my life I have thought about becoming an atheist due to how rational and logical it is. However, I think that atheists have got in wrong when it comes to premarital sex and I think most of them are pro-premarital sex for illogical reasons. I know that there are some atheists who are against premarital sex, but I am talking mainly to the atheists I have got to know here, some who even make fun of people who are against premarital sex.
To keep my argument short, I will say that the best way one can enjoy sex is to save it for the person he or she loves most in the whole world and after tying the knot only having sex with that one person. This is what I did when I got married 10 years ago when I was 22 and my relationship with my hubby has only gotten better since. Virginity is the best gift you can give to your soul mate. Now I have heard all the old counterarguments but they are more excuses for this immoral behavior than valid arguments. Some argue that you should never step into marriage without testing the other person out first (e.g. to know among other things if he or she is sexually compatible with you), "you wouldn’t buy a car until you test drove it." For one, to compare cars to people is not a good analogy because people should never be treated like products for it demeans them. It would be better to wait until marriage to have sex rather than testing it out first because if you tested your spouse out first, your spouse will always know that at first you were only going to be with him or her forever on conditions–while in a sexual relationship which is supposed to cement the two bodies together. For another thing, you shouldn’t need to test someone out sexually before you get married (as to see if you are sexually compatible). Sex is about love and total self giving, not about working towards compatibility. My hubby didn’t need to have sex with me to figure out that I would be hot and good at sex with him once married. Another shibboleth is that you are wasting your life (depriving yourself of pleasure) if you wait so long until marriage to have sex. Yet this presupposes that sex is fundamentally about pleasure. It is not! Sex is about love and that should be the primary aim when having it. Sex is best when love is maximized and that takes place when a man and a woman pledge themselves to each other for life!
Sophia - March 8th, 2010 at 4:24 pmIt’s natural, animals do it, get over it, it is just nature.
I agree verily with Ethan.
HA! marking me down? how pathetic, just because you know it’s true.
HURP DURP - March 8th, 2010 at 9:26 pmReferences :
p.s. protip: walls of text are ignored.
They do not submit to the Moral Law of God. Apart from God’s Moral Law we are left with human opinions
Nina, BaC - March 8th, 2010 at 9:28 pmReferences :
Because of the delusion of "Evilution" and ‘they’ are brainwashed with enemas!!
Karl P - March 8th, 2010 at 9:30 pmReferences :
Your anecdote is not valid evidence. It doesn’t even address your stated claim making it a red herring.
Thunder and Lightning - March 8th, 2010 at 9:32 pmReferences :
Why should they? They don’t have to follow God’s laws and instructions. If i were an Atheist, i would do what makes me feel good. And that would probably include sex.
Sylar - March 8th, 2010 at 9:34 pmReferences :
It’s not premarital sex if we never get married.
Ethan - March 8th, 2010 at 9:36 pmReferences :
Because it is only the religious who claim it is immoral. Same as being homosexual. Why don’t we all hate homosexuals? Because we don’t follow religion.
I don’t find pre-marital sex immoral because it doesn’t hurt anyone.
Heavy Metal Jesus - March 8th, 2010 at 9:38 pmReferences :
WWHMJD? HE WOULD ROCK!!!
Thou shalt turn thy music UP!
That’s nice. I’m glad you made your own sexual choices and they worked out for you. Please allow others to make sexual choices that work for them.
95% (I can provide the survey link if you wish) of americans have had premarital sex. (out of the 97% of adults that have had sex) So, it is certainly and overwhelmingly the norm.
Granted, that you can say that we’re all immoral, but perhaps you don’t really know a lot about human sexuality.
Morey000 - March 8th, 2010 at 9:40 pmReferences :
You don’t get to decide when or how sex is best for other people. You sound like a clueless virgin, stop it.
RaTz - March 8th, 2010 at 9:42 pmReferences :
Though I’m not an atheist, the concept is easy.
The whole notion of no premarital sex is one of money and control.
Back then a guy’s kid’s virginity was a huge commodity. You sold (YES…SOLD) your daughter to some guy and she had to be a virgin.
To keep her from doing this you don’t make it a law (’cause people break laws no matter what), but make it a sin. They will react exactly like you. Get over it, dear, you were protecting your virginity to sell to the highest bidder.
It’s outdated and idiotic.
Edit: hahahahahahahaha! $20 says there is someone (male or female) who can rock your world way better than your husband. You have never had any other lover so how in the hell would you know?
As for the whole "test-driving" thing, it’s a valid argument. You can be sexually incompatible with someone. If you are dating, you can just break it up. If you are married, you’re screwed (not in the good way).
Man, it’s like talking to children.
Nee M - March 8th, 2010 at 9:44 pmReferences :
That is not short
Premarital sex is not immoral, it’s natural animals do it, some animals mate and never even see their partner again. And, you and me baby aint nothing but mammals
"To keep my argument short, I will say that the best way one can enjoy sex is to save it for the person he or she loves most in the whole world"
That is your opinion, not everyone agrees with you
Dalton - March 8th, 2010 at 9:46 pmReferences :
I think it is immoral to force someone to remain with a person who does not please them on a sexual level.
Believe it or not, sex is important for some people.
Delgarits - March 8th, 2010 at 9:48 pmReferences :
as long as both adults are consenting (or "all adults" if we’re talking about an orgy), there’s nothing wrong with sex, premarital or not. no one’s rights are being violated in such a scenario, hence, not an unethical act. simple as that.
Magical Unicorn - March 8th, 2010 at 9:50 pmReferences :
Mortality is irrelevant. Sex is natural. You don’t need a white dress and a ring to know you love someone, and you don’t have to love someone to have sex. I for one wouldn’t do it with someone I don’t love, but I would never call someone wrong for doing otherwise. It’s just a different life path. Just be responsible, getting knocked up isn’t exactly a good thing because than it’s the babies life in hands. But just between the two, since no one is hurt, I wouldn’t call it immoral.
Me so holy Me love you long time - March 8th, 2010 at 9:52 pmReferences :
i think it would be interesting to take a poll of the people who promote waiting until marriage to have sex and find out how many of them actually waited. If it worked for you, which it obviously did, then bravo. But who are you to pass judgment on anyone else? Granted, many people are not ready for sex when they first have it are hurt as a result. I believe that if two people enter into a sexual relationship with their eyes open, i.e. it isn’t viewed as a conquest by the guy, or the girl is trying to "prove her love" then they are free to do what they wish, taking proper precautions, of course.
Artemisc - March 8th, 2010 at 9:54 pmReferences :
"…the best way one can enjoy sex is to save it for the person he or she loves most in the whole world and after tying the know only having sex with that one person."
OK, you feel that way, then act that way. That’s great.
See, each of us is free to make up our own mind about that — what works for you might not work for other people. What’s "best" for you might not be "best" for other people.
Take a second and read some of the things you wrote…you several times wrote that sex is "best" in a certain way…yet you have no experience with it any other way, so how do you know your way is best? Simple answer: you don’t. You have no experience on which to make any such judgement.
Look, do what you think is right and good for you — and allow everybody else the same freedom, ok?
Personally I take no "position" (pun intended) on pre-marital sex…what consenting adults do or don’t do with their genitals is none of my business, nor is it yours. OK?
Peace.
WellTraveledProg - March 8th, 2010 at 9:56 pmReferences :
Because if you don’t, you are stuck in a marriage with someone who is bad at sex, who you resent. You have be emotionally and physically compatible. The whole no sex before marriage works out for people who suck at it. I’m not saying whore around but there is no problem with people who love and trust each other making love.
Big Daddy (take with water) - March 8th, 2010 at 9:58 pmReferences :
What about couples who don’t want to get married? Should they not have sex just because they won’t go to a Justice of the Peace and sign a marriage license? Does that legal piece of paper at all diminish the love and commitment they feel for each other?
Pre-marital sex is not immoral, and I have yet to hear a viable argument that it is. Consensual sexual relations between adults capable of making such decisions are not immoral acts. You believe it to be, but that doesn’t mean it is.
Athene - March 8th, 2010 at 10:00 pmReferences :
A better question, from their point of view, is why do YOU think it IS immoral? If you want to abstain for religious reasons, that’s your business, but to decide that something that harms no one is immoral for everybody is just a touch arrogant, don’t you think?
Trish JPA and Jewish Pastafarian - March 8th, 2010 at 10:02 pmReferences :
The whole argument of not having sex before marriage is a Christian/Catholic law, seeing as sex is one of the seven deadly sins: Lust… without being bound to hippocritical laws Atheists are able to do as they please and if that include Sex before marriage so be it…. as for the atheists who do not condone pre-marital sex that is there perrogative and cannot be argued either way
jeremy0461att.net@att.net - March 8th, 2010 at 10:04 pmReferences :
Atheist
Because it’s your opinion that the best way to enjoy sex is to save it for marriage. Not everyone believes that their virginity is the best present you can give someone. Honestly, for girls its just a thin layer of skin and for guys its not even anything physical. I understand there is more to it emotionally, but not everyone views it as a big deal.
I don’t think it’s anything special. I don’t sleep with everyone, but when I love someone I do. Yes, I can stop loving them or start loving someone else but hey, that’s life. I don’t view it as anything special, and most Christians I know don’t either.
lovespecimen - March 8th, 2010 at 10:06 pmReferences :
in order for an act to be immoral, it has to hurt someone
so praytell how does consensual sex hurt anyone?
also, it has been proven that people who wait to loose their virginity, overall, do have less fulfilling sex lives than those who didnt wait.
sex IS about pleasure. i can have sex and feel pleasure and not love, thats one of the reasons its so freaking great.
dont get me wrong here, im not saying go slut it up or anything like that. you should be in a commited long term relationship when you have sex, but it doesnt HAVE to be a marriage.
and if i dont plan on marrying the guy, it isnt really premarital now is it?
also, you said you were going to keep your argument short. you need to work on that definition, as most people will ignore walls of text on here
Ashley D - March 8th, 2010 at 10:08 pmReferences :
I think it’s just a personal choice is all. If getting married before sex is for you, then awesome!
Kim - March 8th, 2010 at 10:10 pmReferences :
Sex is best when love is maximized and that takes place when a man and a woman pledge themselves to each other for life..
True Dat! But it ain’t half bad the other way…
Liz - March 8th, 2010 at 10:12 pmReferences :
If you worry about Atheists having premarital sex, what of all the Christians that do it?
OhKatie! - March 8th, 2010 at 10:14 pmReferences :
Sex is not about pleasure? If it isn’t for that then what’s the point in even having it, bar to breed like rabbits. You can enjoy sex and love your partner too, or is this concept lost om you as well?
Jane - March 8th, 2010 at 10:16 pmWhat a horrible thought to have sex with someone for your reasons.
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Ok. I stopped reading your diatribe after the first paragraph.
It’s great to have an opinion, isn’t it?
Suppose one didn’t believe in marriage? Then what?
Yes, yes, we all know fornication is the basis for making babies. What if we don’t want children?
Also, the choice of having sexual relations is up to each individual. If one does not think it’s immoral then it is okay for one to have sex. If one does, one need not have sex. How simple is that?
I just read the last few sentences of your blah blah.. Love? LOVE?! Whatever.. Love is not needed to have sex.
Uh Yeah! - March 8th, 2010 at 10:18 pmReferences :
Wow Sweetie, you sound like tons of fun.
evil pxie - March 8th, 2010 at 10:20 pmFirst off, you don’t "choose" to be an Atheist because its logical. You become an Atheist because you don’t believe in God. Second, me having premarital sex is doing nothing to you. I don’t believe it’s immoral, and although I agree that it’s best when your in Love, I also know that sometimes it just feels good……If having an orgasm WASN’T one of the primary goals of sex, then why do we have them? Finally, you didn’t mention wether or not your Hubby was a virgin as well…….If he wasn’t, how did you justify that one? Live and let live uptight one.
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Stop generalizing, it’s natural, and just because you think premarital is wrong doesn’t make it a fact. And being an Atheist doesn’t have anything to do with it.
freedom fighter - March 8th, 2010 at 10:22 pmReferences :
so if you are happy with your choice
what’s the problem or do you want every one to copy you
even in the bible people had concubines and more than one wife
‘Concubinage was practised in many ancient cultures, especially in Mesopotamia…..where a private citizen might have one or two concubines in addition to his primary wife…..a concubine was often a slave or part of the booty of war (Judges 5:30). A man might have a concubine simply as an economical form of marriage, since no dowry or bride-price was required. A concubine could add to a man’s prestige by giving him two wives and thus an increased capacity for children. Such offspring were normally delivered onto the knees of the legal wife, thus establishing their legitimacy as family members. The concubine was also another servant to add to his work force.’ (Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible, 1997, Vol 1, p504).
Monica P - March 8th, 2010 at 10:24 pmReferences :
because its natural
do monkeys get married before having sex ….NO
do dogs get married before having sex….. NO
ETC…
sex is natural and NOT immoral (pre-marital)
Atheist Kitty - March 8th, 2010 at 10:26 pmReferences :
Every atheist is different. Now if a couple is married and hate each other, in religious eyes it’s o.k for them to have sex because they are married, but if a couple is in love and not married then it’s not o.k to have sex? religion is immoral
Becky W - March 8th, 2010 at 10:28 pmReferences :
Your rant did nothing to show premarital sex to be immoral or how marital sex is more moral.
You personally want to save sex for one person. Great. Good for you. Have at. Now, in what way does that impact my sexuality?
Sex does not "cement two bodies together". If it did marriage would not end in divorce 51% of the time, with conservative Christians getting the highest percentage of divorce compared to other groups.
Sorry, but you do need to test out the sexual compatibility. I love my husband with every fiber of my being, but if he had a pencil dick, was unable top satisfy me sexually, was gay, was into fecal play or (like one poor Christian lady’s husband I know of), could only get off if I dressed like Wonder Woman, he’d be "just friends" material. Sex is a crucial part of a healthy romantic relationship and I don’t think a smart person should take any chances that their future spouse could never share that with them.
Sex is not only about love either. I love my grandma and I love my cat. I don’t fvck them. The way I love my husband is connected with my attraction to him and that attraction is sexual.
You seem to protest too much. One wonders just how much your hubby is pleasing you in bed. I doubt a woman getting regular good lovin would be so adamant that she does not need pleasure in her sex life if she’s really in love.
EDIT: You also seem to forget that not all marital sex is moral. A friend of mine once had a husband who liked to rape her in her daughter’s bedroom, while the child was present. Marriage does not = love. That man was a monster. So how can a loving unmarried couple engaging in pleasurable, consensual, loving sex be immoral and that rapists sex act be moral just because of a marriage license?
Glee - March 8th, 2010 at 10:30 pmReferences :
Why do you need to sign a contract before sharing yourself physically with the person you love?
Monkeybumpants The Second - March 8th, 2010 at 10:32 pmReferences :
Because it isn’t "immoral". Yes, it is better with someone you love, but that doesn’t mean it’s "immoral" to have it with someone you don’t.
Catherine E - March 8th, 2010 at 10:34 pmWhat would be immoral would be if you are dishonest about sex. If you lie to someone and tell them you love them when you don’t, if you do things that make the other person uncomfortable, etc.
If you are mature, responsible, safe, and respectful to the other person, then there is nothing wrong with two consenting adults deciding to have sex with each other.
Ultimately, it is the decision of the person involved whether or not they are ready and willing to do it. It is not up to ANYONE else to tell them that it is "moral" or "immoral". If you consider premarital sex to be immoral, then the right decision for you would be to wait. That’s fine. But your feelings that sex should be reserved for love is just that…YOUR feelings, and the fact that not everyone feels the same way does not give you or anyone else the right to determine that they are "immoral". Maybe there are things that YOU do that others wouldn’t do, but they don’t have a right to call you "immoral". For example, there are cultures in this world…even in the U.S. that would call you "immoral" if you’re a female who wears pants. Does it mean that you’re "immoral" because THEY don’t like the fact that you wear pants? It’s the same with your feelings about pre-marital sex.
As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, they don’t have the right to call YOU "immoral" for it, either.
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I don’t think you understand the definition of the term immoral.
The only way that sex would be immoral is if it harmed some innocent person, like a rape.
Something is generally considered morally wrong if it harms someone else.
Pre-marital sex harms no one. It is two consenting adults.
I like your view on this, but other people have other views, and as long as it doesn’t harm an innocent person, it is not immoral.
Satan - March 8th, 2010 at 10:36 pmReferences :
Sex was around before the Bible said it was wrong.
If you choose to wait, I congratulate you. If you wait because a judgmental God will send you to hell for doing it, I pity you.
Maybe if celibacy wasn’t forced on priests, there wouldn’t be as many traumatized altar boys.
singletrack65 - March 8th, 2010 at 10:38 pmReferences :
Premarital sex isn’t immoral.
Marriage was invented long before christianity was and was seen as a way of formalising a relationship.
Marriage has never been a religious institution although religions have tried to claim it was.
Personally I would never buy a car before trying it.
Oh, hai - March 8th, 2010 at 10:40 pmReferences :
You have sex your way and I’ll have it mine and as long as the sex don’t break any civil or criminal laws it’s truly no ones business. Now, personally I kinda get what you are trying to write but it is unrealistic there are people that cheat on their spouse the next day after marriage, so it really doesn’t stop heartbreak or anything else just adds to some ones nightmares when it all goes wrong.
calmlikeatimebomb - March 8th, 2010 at 10:42 pmReferences :
Atheist need I write more.
Yeah I get what you’re saying and all, but it’s your opinion. There are so many people with failed marriages because they weren’t as lucky as you are to have found someone that special. And unfortunately they didn’t have the experience from before to know that their spouse would be unbearable to live with.
Also you’re point that it is immoral doesn’t seem to be made in your question. I mean just because you see it as something that is just for an outlet of love doesn’t mean everyone will see it that way. I hardly think that makes them immoral, and a lot of people don’t see it as just a way to get pleasure anyway. I’m not going to say I respect those who go around sleeping with every warm body they come across because that causes problems even on a scientific standard (diseases).
And I’m not trying to be disrespectful but what you’re saying sounds like a Christian view. If you look through the eyes of an atheist you don’t see it that way. There’s nothing to tell us sex is only for one person. In fact, considering we have a fully functioning reproductive system well before the age of 22, it’s a little ridiculous to assume that we shouldn’t do what our body wants (in a responsible fashion) before we get to the point of wanting marriage.
Mandy - March 8th, 2010 at 10:44 pmReferences :
"Why do atheists think that premarital sex isn’t immoral?"
The ONLY sex I see as ‘moral’ is that which is between CONSENTING adults.
"To keep my argument short"
Jeez… I’d hate to see you REALLY get going.
"Virginity is the best gift you can give to your soul mate."
This coming from someone who knows NO different.
"Yet this presupposes that sex is fundamentally about pleasure."
It is; if there was no pleasure the human race would NOT have survived.
That wall of text was opinion and rant.
Your first question would have sufficed.
Everard J - March 8th, 2010 at 10:46 pmOh, I forgot – you needed to tell us what you thought and that anyone who disagreed with you was wrong.
It’s easy to see you’ve had no experience of the world.
~
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Because what 2 people do behind close doors and with their love life is their business not ares if they want have sex then fine if they want to get married before having sex that is fine it is not my or yours business what people do with their life’s.
Talos(aka Revan) - March 8th, 2010 at 10:48 pmReferences :
"the best way one can enjoy sex is to save it for the person he or she loves most"
The bad thing about choosing a side (pro premarital sex or anti-) is that you can’t try out each side to see if it works; once you have premarital sex, you can never try out saving sex until marriage, and vice-versa. So your saying that your way is the best way is based on the fact that you waited and it worked out. BUT (and I used to think the same as you) I chose to have premarital sex after MUCH deliberation and it worked out for me too, so I don’t think there is ONE way.
"Virginity is the best gift you can give to your soul mate." You opinion, but I highly disagree with it. I believe I gave my soul mate much more than a hymen. Because, really,you can dress the word up all you want, by calling it purity, virginity, chastity, etc., but it’s really just a piece of flesh that is torn after intercourse. I would just argue that a lot more can be given than virginity. I don’t know, compassion, companionship, intellect, humor, etc.
"For one, to compare cars to people is not a good analogy"
If your issue is with the analogy, then I can put it this way: for some people, Christian or not, sex is a very integral part of a relationship and thus marriage. It kind of makes life fun. So to be married for 50 odd years and not to have any chemistry during sex would be awful to some people, and to take that gamble is high-stakes because divorce is so expensive. Now, you said your husband didn’t need to have sex with you to figure out that you were good at sex. He must be very talented, because for most, looks alone aren’t enough to figure out if someone is good in bed. I could be very wrong, but I would guess that he had had sex before you two were married, given his skills at sizing up sexual prowess before he has had someone in bed (and before THAT PERSON had ever slept with someone!) Some of us aren’t so lucky. We have to test things out.
"Sex is about love and that should be the primary aim when having it."
1) You can love someone for a lifetime, a year or an hour.
2) Love may be your aim when having sex, but it isn’t everyone’s aim. Some people just like to have fun.
That said, I made sure that I was in a committed relationship before I had sex for the first time, because I am really cautious about STIs and I just wanted to have a partner, not someone who is going to judge how well I had sex and gossip about me to his "buddies". To each his own. I hope you and your husband have many more happy years together. Peace.
Schooling You - March 8th, 2010 at 10:50 pmReferences :
So you are premaritalsexaphobic and have no problem with ostentatious virtue.
Rape is immoral (serious infringement of human rights); consensual sex between adults is not. Hence why one is legally a crime and the other is not.
Did you know that there are girls and women in this world who brutally have their clitoris ripped from their body or even lose their life over such lack of respect for basic human rights? That’s what it looks like when you make crimes out of things that are not crimes at all.
Rain - March 8th, 2010 at 10:52 pmReferences :
I get what you’re saying that it’s all about love and all that. I totally agree that sex can be an act of total love. It can also be an act of total lust, and that’s ok too.
C - March 8th, 2010 at 10:54 pmWhat good could come from suppressing all of your desires until you get married? What if it turns out the person you married is a starfish in bed. Or what if they have a really low sex drive. What about if they have a 1 inch penis?
All these would encourage you to think ‘what if?’. What if I had had sex before marrying this person and found out that they were like this?
Is it really a good idea to wait until you’re bound to that person for life until you discover that a big part of your relationship will be disappointing no matter what you do?
And if you say sex isn’t important you’re lying. If if wasn’t important you wouldn’t have such a big thing about saving it until you’re married.
It’s not entirely about compatibility (though that is a convenient way to put it). It’s more about ensuring that your relationship will be fulfilling in every way. The way it should be.
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How is virginity a gift? Its painful and messy.
Id much rather marry someone that is not a virgin, so on the wedding night we can really enjoy ourselves and not have the awkward first time sex thing.
Luft Waffle - March 8th, 2010 at 10:56 pmReferences :
Because everyone doesn’t have getting married on their life’s ‘to do’ list. Marriage nowadays is all about love. Everyone might not get as lucky as you have. Some people go their whole lives without finding anyone. Marriage is a big step and if people got married just because, it wouldn’t work. Besides humans have hormones and needs. My reasoning is that pre-marital sex is alright as long as you use good judgment(i. e. being stable emotionally,financially, etc. )
Zale - March 8th, 2010 at 10:58 pmReferences :