Break Bad Habit

Okay, so I asked this question earlier on my other account, but then realised my friends may see it, and don’t particularly want them to. So if you’ve already read/answered this question, that’s why

Okay, so this may be totally, totally pointless, but I figured I may as well ask and get others opinions, right?
So recently, especially over the last year, I’ve been noticing abnormal changes to my mood/behaviour/patterns, and it’s getting to the point where it really is affecting my day-to-day life. Details are listed below, I’d really appreciate it if you’d take the time to read them
For the record, I’m female, aged 15 – 16 in a few weeks.

> I’m constantly down – not just the usual, annoyed, teenage angst down, nothing like how my friends are. More often than not, I wake up thinking how shit life is, with no hope of looking forward to the day ahead, or the future, or anything. It’s like there’s this constant hanging in my heart that drags and drags and drags and won’t leave me alone, and I hate it because it really hurts, you know? This strange sort of hurt which is so literal but also so invisible. I don’t like it, and I don’t understand it – which makes me not like it even more.

> There are times when my mood is also so strangely ecstatic and hyper for no reason. If, for example, I go outside and it’s so lovely and sunny – I’m suddenly in such a gloriously wonderful mood where I forget everything and feel like I’m floating in this endless, cloudless sky. I tend to talk too fast for people to understand, and I have to take a few breaths to calm myself before I can speak normally. My words may jumble because they’re pouring out too fast. My brain tends to run too fast that I just can’t keep up with it. I love it, but then it passes so easily. One wrong comment, and that darkness clouds my eyes.

> My sleeping pattern changes constantly – I don’t really sleep much (I’d hazard a guess at an average of 5hours a night), and I generally can’t fall asleep till past 2am. I find myself lying in bed for hours, no matter what time I get into bed or how tired I am, and just thinking and thinking and thinking, because my brain refuses to switch off. And then no matter what time I wake up, whether it be early or late, I’m still completely exhausted.

> My eating habits also change regularly. Sometimes I eat and I eat and I eat, and yet other days the thought of food sickens me and the only reason I eat anything at all is because I feel too weak.

> Mood swings are very, very frequent. There’s always that general feeling of shittiness that has become a norm for me – and then the smallest things can send me into some even shittier mood where I can’t communicate with people properly because I just want to curl into some ball on my own. Or maybe something happens that irritates me – I can’t perfect something I’m doing, I lose something small – and I get so, so angry and it feels like a fire has been set inside me and I just can’t let it go, no matter how many times I try to convince myself it doesn’t matter because it’s so trivial.

> My mood and behaviour have really been affecting how I get on with my family. I’ve never had a particular problem with them before – compared to a lot of people, I had a great relationship with both my parents and considered myself very lucky. Nowadays, though, everyday is an argument. I can’t even remember the last time I had a proper conversation with my mum without it ending with me storming out of the room. Because that’s always how it happens – she says something that annoys me slightly, I get angry, she doesn’t understand why at all, I get angrier, she gets annoyed, I storm out. It feels like my parents just don’t see me at all, or like we’re living on different worlds so we see things completely differently. It’s like they’re all just against me and purposefully irritate me the way they do – but that doesn’t make sense, because why would they? I always tell myself it’s them, it’s their fault, but how do all of them seem to think it’s just me – maybe it is me.

> The way small things take over my life completely. For example, that thing which happened about over year ago – long story short, the guy I liked left. And now, one and a half years later, I’m still entirely in love with him, with no prospect of ever falling out of it. I always thought it would pass – the love, the pain – but with each day it only gets work. We haven’t even made contact in that whole time so it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever for me to have all these feelings for him which are starting to screw around with my everyday life. To be fair, I don’t even understand how I can say I love him. For one thing, I’m too young to know what love is. How should I know? And for another, we were never even together. We weren’t even that close, to be perfectly honest. Because he was never really mine, I didn’t think it would hurt so much to lose him – but it did, and oh, so much more. But why the heck

You sound very normal to me. It`s your age, one of the awful things about being a teenager, raging hormones and all that. Don`t worry, you`ll come through it just fine. A very important thing you can do for youself is to research a healthy diet. Ditch the junk snacks and food, try and eat more fruit and veg and wholemeal bread – honest, you`ll be amazed at how this will improve your mood, so give it a go. You say how great you feel when you go outside – you`ve just discovered another great help for yourself, go for long walks, swim, get physically active. You also said you try to take deep breaths to calm yourself. That`s great too, to learn to become conscious of your breathing. Try it at night too, when you are in bed. When you are so consciously breathing, you can`t have thoughts going over and over at the same time. You are already doing tons to help yourself. Bet lots of your friends feel like you do, when they are alone for hours in their room, but they won`t admit it, just like you won`t to them. You sound so normal for your age. Practice smiling and being warm and considerate, and a lot of your anger will just evaporate. You sound a lovely caring person, honest, you`ll be fine.